He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Randomize
