my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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