So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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