Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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