Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
