If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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