You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
