first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
