It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
