she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
