Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
