you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
