if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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