if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
