I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
