did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
