i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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