Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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