Your face is a jimmy john
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Randomize
