You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
