I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
