The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
