..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
