I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
