kristin has been a bad kristin
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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