He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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