How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
