We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Randomize
