Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
