Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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