There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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