i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
