I'm laying in your front yard are you home
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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