hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
