i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
