just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
