she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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