Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
