look no pants
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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