I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
