First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
