Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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