You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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