What did we do last night that was yellow?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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