I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
