Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
