your parents love me but you hate me
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
