Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
