just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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