What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
