Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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