so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
