big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
