There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
